The Gamer

As Arianna Grande said, “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it”.

That’s right, I quoted a pop song.

I lived by that motto even prior to Arianna deciding to sing it.

I was in my early twenties and just got my first “real” career style office job. Ya know, a big room with lots of computers all lit by…fluorescent lighting. (Gross.) Luckily there was a large group of new hires and we were all around the same age.

That helped this boring job not suck as much.

On my first day, I made friends with two girls instantly. Then, around lunch time, we all went to the cafeteria and I could see the whole group of about twenty new employees.

I am definitely the type to ALWAYS find a pretty face to look at at school or work. Someone that I can dreamily stare at to pass the time. This job was no different.

I found a guy instantly and what a cutie!

The Gamer had shaggy dark hair and pale skin. He wore dark clothes a lot, but that boy had a surprising amount of muscles.

As I said, I am the type to find someone with a pretty face, even if I am lowering my standards, in order to be entertained. He was super talkative, which I am a fan of. His confidence made him much more attractive. He was only maybe one inch taller than me, maybe even the same height.

Which I am not a fan of. (Bleh.)

A few weeks into working together and I added him on Facebook because that’s what I do.

I do not wait around and wonder.

If I like someone, and they know that I know their name, (i.e. not a stalker) then I will add them online. What’s the point of waiting months or maybe years for someone who may or may not reach out? Doesn’t it make more sense to just rip the band aid off and find out?

I wanted to know.

He added me and we started chatting online. However, at work, we acted the same.

Like our own “secret” thing, which made it hotter. (Haha.)

He asked me to come over one Friday night after work. He lived right by the building we worked in, and I lived about 40 minutes away, so it made sense to just swing by. He lived in his parent’s house and had invited me over when he was home alone. (Really sexy, I know.)

We went into his room and I felt really out of my element.

The walls were insanely bare and painted basically “off white” (Bleh). The bedspread was…black. The office chair was…black. He had like five shirts in his closet, two pairs of shoes nicely set by his dresser which was also…black. He had about two or three computer monitors on the computer stand, also…black and he had a tv in his room that was…black. (Getting his décor?)

“So…” I said, as I looked around this small, crammed-full room. “This is where you stay?”

He replied, “Yes. I don’t come out of my room much. Do you want anything to drink?” He opened the mini fridge in his room. (Eh.)

I told him I was fine and thanked him for offering. I asked him how he plays games and also watches tv at the same time. He told me that the tv was actually for his ex girlfriend. He informed me that she would come over and watch tv while he played his game.

Hm…okay.

I guess it’s kind of cute. And nerdy.

The first few times I came over, we actually talked and made out, A LOT.

And y’all he was really good at kissing. For some reason, it never went much further than kissing, and I don’t know why he always stopped it from progressing. I assumed he was just embarrassed. I mean, he was like 5’4 so maybe he didn’t have a lot to work with if you catch my drift.

One day I asked him a question about the game he was playing, and his face lit up. He excitedly started talking about trolls and scrolls, and all this nerdy stuff that went WAY over my head. I did find it endearing how much he loved the game though. Watching him get so excited over something so dorky was adorable. I suggested that he should play sometime I was over, if he wanted to, that it wouldn’t bother me. Especially since he loved it so much.

I regret that.

The next time I arrived, he turned on the game when we got there after work. His black clock by his bed had red numbers that showed 5:15. I turned on the tv and got my cellphone out to try to distract myself while he played. About two hours later, I realize he hasn’t talked except for the nerdy, gamey things he’s been saying in his headset.

“Dude! Come help me cast this witch into the Land of the Dead! I need you to bring your ‘wand of death’.”

(Idk. He said some corny shit like that.)

I asked him about an hour and a half of me just being there quietly, “Hey, think you want to get some dinner?”

He didn’t respond to me. He was so sucked into his game. He just continued running around some weird, dark video game, talking to dudes with chickens and really dirty carts.

“Babe,” I said about fifteen minutes later, “are you hungry?”

“Oh, nah. You can get something though.” He gestured to the mini fridge and then pointed to a microwave that I had not noticed prior to. Also, all of this was in his arms reach.

I realized that was his “spot”. He must come home and play this nonstop. So, I politely excused myself. Maybe this gamer kid can’t spend time with me, and also his witchy-wand-having-chicken-guy-playing game. At least I know now for the future, no big deal.

I woke up the next morning at 6 a.m. to get ready for work and drive in the morning traffic. I looked at my phone and had a message from him at 2 a.m., “Hey, I’m bummed you left. I would have liked to of slept next to you. “

Kind of cute.

Also, it was 2 am. Like I was way asleep by that point.

The next few days at work were normal. He gave me cute winks from across the room at work and sent me daily messages online. Still being normal and cute. He invited me over a week later. So after work I went over we went back to no game; we had a movie on and just made out and talked.

Another successful evening. And I still adored him. We talked about nerdy stuff like comic books and things we watched as kids. It was still endearing how much he lit up talking about comic books, super heroes, and video games. And he was still a great kisser, so okay. (Smiley face.)

About three months into this, being friendly coworkers at work who don’t know each other, to messaging all evening, to every weekend coming over, it was cute and moving pretty easily. (And kind of slow.)

Until we finally sealed the deal.

And y’all. It. Was. Not. Good. (Crying face.)

In fact, it was bad.

Like really bad.

I don’t think he moved once. (Haha.) Even when I did all the work.

Just.

Well, (save my soul, Lord) he kind of looked like Jesus up on the cross.

I know. I know.

HOW DO I FIND THESE DUDES??

They exist!

(I’m just trying to save you. Unless you want to respond and tell me how your gamer dude was. But mine. Whew!)

He gets up off of the bed and grabs me up and gives me a passionate kiss. I am beyond stumped, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t even close my eyes from all of my confusion.

He said, “Whew. That was great!” And then goes over to his game. I am abundantly confused. Just quietly wondering what about that was even good, let alone “great”.

“…Uhm, okay.” I said.

I politely excuse myself and I leave. I need to analyze wtf just happened there.

I get into my car and begin driving home. Replaying the encounter in my head.

I thought to myself, ‘How’s he going to throw me around and man handle me while we make out, yet when we move on to more than that he just freezes up on the neck down? How does he grab me up and kiss me afterwards and say “great”? Like…had he…OMG! HAD HE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE?!!!!’

Oh. My. God.

I stopped my car a few streets over from his house and really thought through everything. I mean he really did take a long time with a condom; he didn’t move a lot; he didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands.

Holy Shit!

Then he texted.

“No!” I yelled at my phone and threw it into the passenger floorboard.

Yep. That happened.

He started messaging me a bit more each day.

Okay, he may have been a virgin, that’s not the end of the world, I mean, The Virgin Mary, Madonna’s ‘Like a Virgin’, it’s a thing…..not normally in your mid to late 20s, but it is a thing.

So, regrettably, I went back for another round.

I feel pretty confident that everyone deserves two chances. Sometimes. Okay, maybe not everyone. Okay, fine! He was great at kissing and still hella cute. The paranoia of taking his v-card has dissipated for a second. Don’t judge me!

On another Friday evening, I arrived at his house around 5:15 again. Yep, his room was still sad and empty. And he was still cute. We hooked up again, and it was…The. Exact. Same.

Ugh! And at the end he hopped right back to his game and zoned completely out.

Alright, fuck all that shit. I am not eating a frozen burrito after giving you sex, and watching you and your friends try to discuss how to kill, like, the 50th witch in your boring ass video game, that you’re probably playing with a twelve year old.

And this one…. I kind of ghosted. But not fully since we worked together. I didn’t tell him that I lost interest, but I did start telling him I was “busy” on Fridays, and during the week I would just message less and less.

And yes, you are taking dating advice from me, a “ghoster”. (Haha.)

Lesson: Gamers are absolutely adorable, and most are not this obsessed. But if they look like they live their life in a chair, where the drinks and food are in the reach of their right arm, with a microwave on their left side; they aren’t going to be able to give you enough time that you deserve to have.

And it’s very likely that you may take their v-card.

Or they just lay there like a surprised starfish the entire time.

Just keep to the fun of making out and don’t go any further and they’ll be worth it.